Have you ever been camping?

I am standing with my back to the gate and facing the halls that would be camp rooms for three days.

Preparation:

I was tricked to be here. When, my aunt had first asked. I said no. But, she persisted with the implication of my absence in some activities which I could help. The arrangements had been made, she mentioned. I was angry, but I said yes.

Arrival:

As soon as I was dropped off at the site, I turned to leave. But I was broke.

I remained at the camp for three days, feeling useless and naive.

For the third time in my entire life, I had felt loneliness in a crowd.

Experience:

The camp had rules.  Like scarves on for ladies, lights out after 11pm, and some very specific rules that the leader of my little group also stressed with a passion that I detested.

I was forced to listen to the leader berate my guts to frown in detest of her precious rules.

I was broke, stucked and less excited for my future.

Time:

But, I had enough time to think.

I realized that I’d sent myself to a place that would make me hate myself, my aunt, and the world.

Reflections:

I had been afraid to keep saying no to her.

I was afraid to say no.

I just couldn’t stand up for myself, even in an imperfect way.

And, it was easy to hate.

Lesson:

I became drawn to making things with my hands. To earn enough to escape.

I took a window blind making course. I wrote more often, and improved my graphic designs.

Departure:

The camp was never where I wanted to be. But there,  I chose whom I didn’t want to be.